Freaky Friday: Dogs, Sex, and Dog Sex (kind of NSFW, but not really)

Fun fact:  2 out of 3 households have dogs.

Fun Fact:  3 out of 5 households have some sex toys in them.

(another fun fact: 42% of all statistics are made up, and totally full of crap)

If you do the math, odds are good at least SOME readers have both sex toys and a dog (or dogs) in their household.

Now think about this... Dogs like to chew, yes?  Bones, toys, tugs, whatever they can get a hold of.

...which explains why there are so many pictures of dogs gnawing on sex toys when you do some image searches...

I have a dog at home (Melody the German Shepherd), and there are a few toys locked away (I write from time to time for edenfantasys).  I make sure the two are never combined, because I don't want my dog to be just another silly picture on the interwebs.

...because you know... if she ever found one and started gnawing on it, I'd take a picture first... when done laughing, I'd scold her...

But dogs sure do love their sex toys...

So what do you do when your pooch has a fetish?  Do you buy it it's very own vibrator?

To have and to hold?

(and to chew?)

Why not, instead of getting it a people toy, get it it's very own designed-for-dogs sex toy??

...yes... they do exist...

Meet the hotdoll.  It's made in France.  It's designed 'for trendy dogs.'

...and it can be yours...

You can purchase one at the hotdoll website for a cool 149 Euros (plus shipping, if you live in the states like I do).  They come in black or white, and you can buy extra 'receptacle' cones for an additional fee.

The last male dog I had was Spike, the horny Chihuahua.  I was 10, and was in the phase of 'outgrowing' a lot of my stuffed animals.  Remember Pound Puppies?  I had one.  Cooler.  Around the time we got Spike, I was done with Cooler, so I gave the stuffed toy to the dog.

Spike loved it.  Loved it long time.  Loooong time...

That poor stuffed animal.  When we finally threw it away it was stained and crusty.  But you know what?  Spike was happy.  And that toy was a hand-me-down, originally $15.

Would I buy my dog a sex toy, if it were obsessed?  Maybe.  But would I spend over $100?  Probably not...

Still, if it exists, there's probably a market for it...

Why I'm Not A Dog Person

In the battle of Cats vs Dogs, I consider myself a cat person.

Don't get me wrong, I have both (1 dog and 3 cats in my household) but my dog seriously pisses me off.

I love my dog.  But I hate that bitch.

Here's why:

- She's a German Shepherd, and she's my girlfriend's dog.  GF wants to be the Alpha, so she takes the lead on most things (training, etc.)  Dog doesn't like to listen to her, and gf gets upset when I try to dominate the dog (SHE'S in charge!)  So dog stays fidgety and unruly.

- Dog likes to play.  All the time.  With everything.  My work stuff, laptop, tools, etc are all her toys.  The cats are her toys (and they don't like that).   If it's accessible, it's hers.

- GF taught the dog a trick.  Ring a bell, go outside to pee.  There's a cowbell on the door leading to the back yard.  Dog rings the bell.  Goes out.  5 minutes later, pawing at the door to be let in.  5 minutes later, ring ring ring.  Rinse, repeat.  GF refuses to ignore it, or let me ignore it.  Like Pavlov's neighbor, the sound of a (cow)bell now pisses me off.

- GF is kind of slacking on the walk department, do the dog always has pent-up energy, which she takes out on the cats.  Cats aren't ok with that.

OMG HAI.  I FIXDED THE DIRTS FER YOO!!!

- Dogs are ok when they're trained, but she's not fully trained.  It kind of sucks, especially since I'm gone so often and don't have the home-time to devote to this dog.  And because I'm rarely home, I get mobbed when I get back.  Then, of course, it's my turn for walks and letting her out and back in and out and back in and...

I'm not always home.  When I am, sometimes I like pet interaction, sometimes I want to relax.  Which is why I love my cats.

When I want to cuddle or play, they're right there for me.  If I'm gone for 4 days, come back, and ignore them for a while, they don't mind.  They're like a kind of 'on demand' pet, which works perfectly with my on-the-go lifestyle.

Best of all?  Cats just don't give a fuck.

Dogs beg for validation and recognition, like a needy 2 year old.  Cats are more like 8-14 year olds.  Kind of self-sufficient, but there if you want to play with them and interact.

And I know, that makes me sound kind of like a flaky parent, but the correlation seemed fitting.

Lastly, I like the internet, and the internet prefers cats.  It's a scientific fact.

So are you a cat person?  Dog person?  Like both?  Neither?