It just goes to show that everyone loves some good *cough* clean fun...
But, how to follow such an awesome post?
Well, why not bring it back, and try to boost my score? I was mid-yellow as of yesterday, and plan on fixing that little snafu.
Over Memorial Day weekend, I did a post listing off a gaggle of funny vagina names. It was fun, was widely popular, and I've been wanting to do something similar for a while. Today is that day. My followers, I bring to you:
The top 20 euphemisms for male and female masturbation. I'll be doing 20 of each so sit back, dim the lights, put on some 'mood music' and don't let anyone catch you.
Male:
19. A date with Pamela Handerson
18. Roughing up the suspect
17. Applying the hand-brake
16. Building upper-body strength
15. Cleaning your rifle
14. Waxing the surfboard
13. Shakin' hands with the unemployed
12. Painting the ceiling
11. The five-knuckle shuffle
9. Turning japanese (yes, bad taste, but I laughed a little...)
8. Disobeying the Pope
7. Checking the Oil
6. Arm aerobics
5. Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo (nerd alert!)
4. Playing with the Pink Power Ranger
3. Sanding your banister
2. Zoot Flute Riot (5-points if you get the reference)
1. Pitching a knuckleball
Female:
19. The two-finger tango
18. Stirring the sauce
17. Makin some soup
16. Tending your own garden
15. Double clicking the mouse
14. Going fishing with the man in the boat
13. Defrosting the fridge
12. Stirring the honey pot
11. Doing your nails
10. Twinkling the little star
8. Testing the plumbing
7. Tickling the tuna
6. Making kitty purr
5. Getting a jiffy-lube
4. Doing the two-finger slit rumba
3. Finger-painting
2. Flipping the light switch repeatedly (OCD much?)
1. Shuffling your iPod
Ok, so let's see what this little post did to my cleanmeter rating, shall we??
...excellent...
If I missed any good ones, please let me know by leaving a comment below. Thanks for playing!
30 witty retorts:
I think I am laughing too much to make any sense. Think you may have achieved your goal. Must admit, I had never heard of most of those
Can I use A Date with Pammy for the female version too? Pre-Hepatitis, of course.
Hahaha1 :D You're funny :D
Pahaha, very funny, will be using some of those as my own :P
I totally missed yesterdays post. I am pretty sure my blog is squeaky clean though. Also, euphemisms are fun.
hrm, whats this? I guess I'll have to check out the post yesterday
I've always liked "flicking the bean" for ladies and "getting the genie out of the lamp" for dudes.
Rotating the stock.
This meter is heck-a-fun.
I'm happy to say ABWars is completely green, but I like to think it's slightly funnier than that Mormon site.
Cheers for that.
Also, you (unwittingly?) won extra votes on ABWars' last round, as well as a shout out in this one.
You clever bunny.
Sending muffin morse code. I wish i could really send morse code with my lady bits, imagine the potential for a one women rescue centre. I could guide ships through stormy seas and conduct rescue missions for stranded lifeboats, all from the comfort of my own vagina!
There's no way I could think of anything better then what's on that list. Pamela Handerson, sheesh, NEVER forgetting that one.
Have you seen those shake weight commercials? Those look like someone is helping a guy out.
anyway you forgot clicking the mouse for female.
-E
@E: #15 was double clicking the mouse. Why single click when you can do it twice?
And in regard to the shake weight, already got it covered. Here's a post from February...
Milestones!
yeah you're probably rite. 4 oh faces. :O ohh yeah
owned so hard D:
my site was almost in the max red... I need to try harder!!
Haha funny stuff! keep it coming :)
LOLOLOL shuffling your iPod!
This is hilarious, and should definitely boost your cleanmeter score.
I must do this for my blog. Props to you will surely follow.
Speaking of blogs, this one kicks ass.
Female: Flicking the bean.
Male: A date with PALMALA Handerson
i'm laughing way to hard to make a serious comment
Everyday Life
I've always referred to it as "jilling off."
Well done. I think you covered all of the bases. Click...double click... ; )
I just checked my blog against the clean meter and I've nearly busted out of the red zone. Apparently there isn't even a name for all of the sinful things I represent over at The Ranter's Box, just a list of offences including vulgarity, insults, swearing, and even one reference to gambling (completely unsure about that one)!
The Ranter's Box
Well you inspired me to go from completely in the green wholesome blog to the far end of the red, I hope you're proud of yourself =P
i'm kinda not so into "jilling off" as the female term since my name is jill and all. it's like i friggin' invented it or something.
maybe i should just own it and be proud...
jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com
Wow, you have really outdone yourself on this one! 20 for each?? You are quality my friend! I haven't played with the clean meter yet, I am pretty sure I already know where it would rate Random Girl.
haha I'm speechless
I almost peed my pants at "hand to gland combat" that was a new one for me! lol Great lists!
Haha those lists were awesome :) I'm gonna check out cleanmeter for myself :)
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