Internet Porn + Internet Memes: Memes I'd Like to F**k

Two things are prevalent on the internet:  Memes and Porn.  Sure, there are other parts of the web (news, social media, etc.) but Porn and internet Memes rule the roost.

And now, I am happy to report the two forces have combined into Memes I'd Like to F**k, brought to you by woodrocket.com.

Woodrocket is an adult site.  Don't go there unless you're of legal age and want to view pornographic material.

However, some of their non-nsfw content can be found on youtube.  This includes the 'Memes I'd Like to F**k' series:

This series is fairly new, but shows lot of promise.

...as long as they don't do an xxx version of 'Chocolate Rain.'  (think about it)

If you're an adult and enjoy some dirty humor, they also have a 'Topless Girls Reading Books' series, where bare-breasted beauties read literature like The Art of War and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

It's awesome.  And there's boobs.

Big props to Woodrocket for bringing humor and hijinks into a sexual genre.  While I don't spend a lot of time surfing the net for porn (heh) I think I'll be checking out their site from time to time, just for the giggles.

...and for the anticipation of porny Nyan Cat.

Insane? Don't Commit a Crime in Idaho (or Utah, or Montana)

Yes, it's true.  Four states in the Union do not allow you to enter a plea of insanity if you commit a crime.

Kansas, Montana, Utah, and yep, Idaho.

Idaho removed the insanity plea from the equation back in 1982.  Even though it has been appealed countless times, the courts keep the decision in tact, arguing that it could open up a lot of frivolous defense pleas.

So... it's ok to fry a few crazies if it means people can't abuse the system...

I love the way this state thinks.

So if you're a little deranged, stay away from this part of the nation.  Idaho and surrounding states don't recognize insanity, probably because you can't see the forest through the trees.

Either that, or they just love the smell of Ol' Sparky....

One More Candle

I turn 32 today.

Which means my phone and Facebook is being bombarded with well wishes.

Thank you to all who show me love on my Birthday.  But... the oddest Birthday well-wishing so far has to come from Google...

...not sure if that's sweet or creepy...

90's Kids How-To: Remember JOSTA?

Ah, Josta.  This was my first energy drink, and my favorite soda by far.  However, Josta was owned by Pepsi, and was killed off not too long after I graduated High School.  (born 1995, died 1999)

I have moved on, but like a first love, I looked back every now and then with fond memories.  No soda since has matched the taste of Josta.

So, on a whim, I decided to search the internet for any movement to revive this dead drink.

I found a few message boards, but no chance of the drink coming back.  I did, however, find people discussing the taste and how to recreate it.  People were mentioning dragonfruit a lot, saying the fruity juice tasted a lot like the fruity overtones of Josta.

So I decided to experiment to see if I could recreate the taste, using existing drinks or flavors I could easily access.

I set up my lab (picture somewhat unrelated) and decided to start concocting.

Since Josta was a Pepsi-branded drink, I decided to use Pepsi as the base.  I'm a Coke-man myself, but I want to stay as true to the taste as possible.

Josta was marketed as 'with Guarana' so this was the first ingredient I looked for.  I knew it was more than just cola and guarana, but figured this would be the most difficult part to find.

Not so!

Meet bawls, a guarana-infused soda.  The taste is unique, and isn't loaded with additional flavors.  Bawls works perfectly.

Next is the dragonfruit.

Since I couldn't find pure dragonfuit juice, I used Vitamin Water power-c.  It's laced with dragonfruit, and not much else.

Guarana + Dragonfruit + Pepsi, in equal parts...

As I mixed the three drinks together, that familiar deep-red foam started to emerge.  Was this the Josta I remembered so well?

It looks like the real thing.

It smells like the real thing.

But it's been about 15 years... so I have no idea if it tastes like the real thing.

However, it tastes fantastic.  If it's not a perfect recreation, it's damn-close.  So close, I may have to make this more often.

If you want to recreate this recipe yourself, be sure to use equal parts:

- 1 (20oz) bottle of Pepsi
- 1 (20oz) bottle of Vitamin Water Power-C (or dragonfruit juice if you can find it)
- 2 (10oz) bottles of Bawls

Mix together, and enjoy 40oz of fantastic Josta goodness.  90's kids rejoice, Josta is back!

Dumb Idahoans - Man Shoots at Helicopter

source

In December, I wrote a post about guns and idiots.  I argued that some people just shouldn't have guns, because they're too irresponsible (or just plain stupid) to be trusted with a firearm.

I believe the majority of us US Citizens should have the right to own a firearm, but armed idiots scare me.  Responsible vs irresponsible gun ownership is the crux of my argument, and I think there are more irresponsible gun owners out there who are a danger to themselves and others.

Case in point, this story about an Idaho man who shot at a helicopter.  Apparently he was out hunting, and didn't like the helicopter interrupting his hunt.  Out of frustration, he fired at the chopper.

Sorry dude.  That's a felony, and felons can't own guns in the US.  Looks like you just lost your right to own a firearm... that is, when you get out of jail.  The man pleaded guilty and will be in prison for the next 4 to 8 years.

Luckily nobody was hurt, but this is a prime example of the dumbass rule.  If you're a dumbass, you shouldn't have grown-up things.  He proved his dumbassery and was punished accordingly.

Thanks for proving my theory.  I knew I could count on someone from Idaho to prove, once again, that some people just shouldn't have guns.

Just Because I'm a Guy Doesn't Mean I Don't Like Sex Toys

I am a dude.  I have 'toys.'  And by toys, I mean the kind most women have in their underwear drawer or in a discreet looking box under the bed...

Yes, THOSE types of toys....

I like to write, and I discovered Edenfantasys about a year ago.  They like writers like me, and have a review program that gets you a lot of sexy items.

At first, I started with couples toys, lubes, and the basics.  As I did more and more, I wanted to try more unique products.

That's when I decided to start buying some 'for me' things...

Meet the Tenga Flip Air.  More ridges than anything natural, and better than a happy ending at an asian massage parlor...

...from what I'm told....  *cough*

This bad boy will tickle your pickle in ways you can't imagine, and is reusable.

And it was expensive as fuck.

Then again, a lot of high-end girly toys aren't cheap. Retail for this is about $70, but after 4 months of use, I can tell you it was money well-spent.

If you like to write, check edenfantasys out.  You can get free stuff in return for reviews, and there's nothing more awesome than free sex toys!!

And if you do join, follow me at lostinidaho.  The more followers and feedback you get on reviews, the higher ranking you have.  The higher ranking, the more expensive freebies you get.  Awesome, right???

(however, if you don't want to know about THAT side of me, ignore all these links...)

I Love Manpacks, and You Will Too

One of my friends signed up for a quarterly delivery service for men-related goodies, and wouldn't stop gushing about it on Facebook.

Finally, I gave it a try....

...and now I am in love with Manpacks.

Manpacks is a website where you can order underwear, grooming supplies, shirts, condoms, razors, etc. and they mail it to you.  They also remember your order, and will send you a reminder in 3 months.  If you want, you receive the same care package after 3 months.  If you want to cancel, you cancel.

If you want to add things, you can.

Best of all, they have some pretty cool stuff.  Grooming kits, manly essentials, and more.

I ordered a pair of Saxx boxer-briefs, and hot damn these things are amazing.  Yes it's a $29 pair of undies, but man oh man they're worth it.  (And the bulge?  Very impressive... it looks like I have a sock stuffed down there!)

I also ordered a replacement tube of Fresh Balls.  This stuff goes on as a lotion, and turns into a fine talc-like powder in less than a minute.  It keeps your man-bits clean, dry, and happy.  I run out every 3-4 months, so adding this to my manpack was a no-brainer.  If you have testicles, you NEED to try this product out.

Best of all, it doesn't smell like baby powder or cornstarch.  If I have someone going down there later that night, they don't get that baby powder whiff....  (ladies, you know what I'm talking about)

I also got a v-neck t-shirt, some lip balm, shoe-shine wipes and a facial scrub.

The 'consumable' products are about a 3mo supply, so it works perfectly.  With the clothing, I'm slowly replacing old and ratty shirts/boxers, one at a time.  It's never fun buying an entire new wardrobe, as it can get extremely expensive.  One or two pieces at a time?  Easy peasy.

If you are a professional or travel a lot like I do, I would recommend the shoe-shine wipes.  They're TSA approved, easy to use, and work very well.  They're my 'VIP meetings' go-to.

And because I love my readers, I talked manpacks into giving my readers an introductory discount.  Click this link here to receive $10 off your first order of $30 or more, plus get free shipping.  I guarantee you'll like it if you try it.

In three months, I'll get an email asking if I want another manpack.  I can say no.  I can say yes.  I can configure an entirely new package.  It's easy, and they make sure to never surprise you.  I LOVE THAT.

So please check Manpacks out.  If you like what you see, make sure to take advantage of the $10 off, and be sure to tell me what you think!

Cursive Handwriting Will Save Us All!

Many of you, like me, had to learn and do cursive handwriting in school.

Many of you, like me, eventually stopped using it when it was no longer required.

And it's safe to say man of you, like me, can't stand cursive.

I see it as a necessary evil, but I am glad I don't have to do it anymore.  My handwriting isn't perfect by any stretch, but it's worse in cursive.

Well, one Idaho lawmaker is saddened by the slow death of cursive, so he is trying to make it mandatory in all schools.

Yep, not only do you have to learn it, but you'll have to use it until you're blue in the face.

While I see the merits in his actions (keeping writing alive, and slowing down the trend on using digital devices) I also see this:

Idaho ranks 47th in the nation for overall education.  Idaho also ranks 49th in students who move from High School to college or any form of secondary education.

But don't worry!  Mandating cursive will save us all!!

I have to write it HOW MANY times?!?

I have bad memories of cursive handwriting due to the 4th grade.  I was a troublemaker, comedian, and compulsive flirt.  Because of this, I was disciplined a lot.

My punishment?  Writing sentences in cursive instead of going to recess.

"If I choose to break the rules, I will suffer the consequences."

I easily penned that phrase at least 10,000 times during the school year.

(...and before you think I was a deviant, I had straight A's and was reading at a 12th grade level.  I acted out because I was bored out of my gourd and wasn't being pushed)

What do you think of this issue?  Is cursive really that important?  Is this Idaho lawmaker just pissing in the wind, and making meaningless laws instead of trying to actually fix our fucked up education?  Please leave your input with a comment below, as I would love to hear others' opinions on this.

You Guys All Look The Same To Me...

Today was inauguration day for President Obama, officially starting his 2nd term as leader of the US.

Today is also Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

...which is why my head is still shaking.  I watched the inauguration live, and I'm glad I wasn't the only person that caught this.

George Stephanopolous was canvassing the crowd in attendance when this happened:

Yes, you heard right.

I know he didn't mean anything by it, but I can't wait to hear all the 'they all look the same to me' racist backlash from this foible.

What do you think of this gaffe?  Innocent mistake, or is there something more here?

And since I often get confused for Toby Maguire Jonah Hill, let me ask the black dudes reading my blog:  Do we all look the same too?

Happy Monday, everyone.

50 Shades of Sickness

I'm sick.

And I'm sick of being sick...

I caught a cold/flu on New Year's Eve, and have been ill ever since, in some way shape or form.

One day it was a typical chest cold.

Then it was only a runny nose.

Then it was a head cold.

Then it was the full blown flu.

Then it was only a cough.

Then it was a sinus cold.

Somewhere in the middle, I think I had menopause for a day.... the hot-flashes were killing me...

I'm mostly better now, but still have a lingering cough and a slightly sniffly nose.  I just can't shake this last bit.

But I'm not alone.  I have people I know with similar symptoms, and they're on week 4.

Week 5.

Week 7.

I'm only on week 2.

How are you combating this year's round of illnesses?  Have you caught a bug?  Was it just a standard cold/flu, or was it something odd like mine?

Lastly, what do you recommend to get rid of it once and for all?

*cough*

Yes I am a Man, No I'm Not Going to Rape You

Rape is a serious matter.  I am no expert, so don't come to me for statistics or case studies.  I'm not going to pretend I know everything about rape, rapists or behavior towards rape.

What I would like to address, however, are the idiots out there who think they are experts.

"If women didn't dress provocatively, maybe there would be less rape..."

"I'm afraid to take out the trash after sunset because I might be raped."

"The BBC exec was a rapist and molester... maybe we should have more female execs, since you never hear about women rapists..."

"I should be able to wear whatever I want; If men can't be trusted, maybe they should be blindfolded!"

Between statements like that and people I know painting with some broad (and odd) brush-strokes, I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air.

Nobody deserves to be sexually harassed or assaulted.  Nobody is 'asking for it.'  But just because the majority of reported cases are men assaulting women, doesn't mean:

- Only men are rapists, or
- All men are rapists.

One of my closest college friends worked his way through school, and had a female boss.  The boss harassed him, flirted with him, touched him in unwarranted and unwelcomed ways, and eventually fired him because he wouldn't put out.

When he reported the harassment and assault (before AND after his firing) he was laughed at.  "Women don't do that" is what he was told.  Others said "Nice.  She's hot.  Why don't you just bang her?  You're lucky..."

Just because it's not 50/50 doesn't mean it doesn't go both ways...

And as a male, I think about sex.  A lot.  If you're attractive, curvy, have a nice personality, or were just plain friendly with me, I have probably imagined you in some sort of sexual way (consciously or subconsciously).  Does that mean I want to have sex with you?  Not necessarily.  Does that mean I'm going to rape you??  Absolutely not.  It means I'm a human with hormones and a vivid imagination.

I guarantee there are other men that have sexual thoughts about friends/coworkers/strangers/etc from time to time, if not subconsciously.  I guarantee there are plenty of women that do this too, from time to time.  We're human.  We're primal, sexual beings.  But we're also civilized enough to not act on these thoughts.

Hell, I think about flying all the time too.  How cool would it be to have the ability to levitate and just 'fly' somewhere you want to go?  Have I jumped off the roof in my attempts to fly?  No.  Why?  Because I'm not dumb.

Rape and other forms of sexual assault aren't laughing matters, but the internet is a dark place.  People make fun of anything and everything, and even the thick-skinned can get offended from time to time.  People also use humor as a coping mechanism (I'm WAY guilty of that) and sometime that can result in hurt feelings and pissed-off people.

But the internet is also filled with people on soapboxes, claiming to know everything.  This is why congressmen think pregnancy via rape can be 'shut down' by a woman's body, and why people fear sexual assault more than they need to.  Yes, there are bad people out there, but please don't label me as one of them.

I am a white male.  I am not a racist, sexist, bigot or rapist.  Are most child molesters, most rapists, most corrupt-politicians, most peophiles, most etc etc etc while males?  Probably, depending on what internet statistic you believe, but just because a square is a rectangle doesn't make a rectangle a square.

I am me.  When I dress nicely, it's because I want to be noticed.  When I dress professionally I want to be seen as a professional.  When I dress for the club, I dress to be attractive and to be desired.  I want you drooling for a piece of me.  Do you do the same thing?  I don't know.  I'm me, you're you.

With that said, if you're desirable you're probably going to be desired.  If you're attractive people are bound to be attracted to you.  That doesn't mean you're going to be raped, that doesn't mean you are seen simply as a sexual object, and most importantly, THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU MORE OR LESS OF A HUMAN BEING.  Male or female.  Be smart, be safe, but stop being so judgmental and paranoid.

Idaho Fails - Thawing Frozen Pipes with Fire

I just read an article about an Idaho man with frozen pipes.

It's cold, so I get that.

But he tried to thaw the pipes with fire.  In an 80-year-old wooden house.

Let that one sink in a bit....

Yeah, the house caught fire.  Pretty sure the pipes are still frozen.

The blazing building?  Home of the Bonneville County Sportsman's Association.

I can't stop laughing.

These idiots are definitely up for a Darwin award.  In honor of Idaho dumbassery, these fails are for you:

But Baby It's Cold Outside

Ok, so maybe cold is an understatement...

Today in Idaho it's -16 degrees (that's almost -27 in Celcius) and it's been like this for the better part of a week.

Yesterday it stayed in the negatives all day.  We had a 'high' of -2...

That's just plain wrong on so many levels...

...especially for a guy like me who travels for a living.

Schools are shut down today due to extreme temperatures.  Roads are closed or being plowed heavily to let commuters through.

Some people can't get into their own cars because the doors and locks have frozen shut...

There's a vehicle under there somewhere... I promise.

But the show goes on, even in conditions like this.  I'm working on a trip into Utah or Wyoming, where I am hoping the frigidness is slightly less frigid...

But I'm not getting my hopes up.

(Meanwhile in California, I have friends posting "oh no, it's 44!  SO COLD!" on Facebook.)

How is the weather where you're at?  Do you live in a climate that goes below zero and camps out for a few weeks?  How do you manage?

Meanwhile, in parts of Australia, it's getting close to hitting 120 degrees, and fires are burning out of control...  Maybe the mayans were correct and this is the end of the world?  Maybe it's not instantaneous, and will take a few months to spiral into madness?

Oh well.  Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...

Get Your Prostate Checked (or risk a teenier weenie)

A lot of women say 'size doesn't matter.'  Whether they're lying to us or really mean it, it matters to us.

Men obsess about their penis.  Is it big enough, thick enough, does it 'last' long enough... did she feel it?  Was I good?

Oh, you're talking about your ex again?  Uh huh, mmhm... that's nice...  Was he bigger than me?

I'm of decent size (I'm leaving it at that, since I have some family that reads this blog) and I, like 99% of guys out there, wouldn't mind a little more.

This is why I was utterly dismayed when I read an article about men having shorter penii (penises?) after getting prostate surgery.

I love the way the article starts:  'You're alive.  Let's start there...' but most men would read the headline and shout 'GET TO THE SHRINKAGE!'

The article goes on to talk about the after-effects of prostate surgery.  Some men lose a quarter-inch in length, some up to an inch and a half.

...do that math in your head, dudes.  I'll wait...

That's quite a bit to lose, isn't it?

I'm still in my lower 30's, but I'm already thinking about prostate health.  I don't want cancer of ANY form, but wang-shrinking cancer adds a bit to the scary-ness of the big C.

Men over 50 reading this, you need to get your butt-button checked by a doc annually.  If you DO end up having problems, you want to catch it early.  Not only do save your life, but to save "_________ Jr." from getting knocked down a peg or two.

Some doctors even recommend starting around 40.  It's virtually unheard-of before 35 and rare before 50, but better safe than sorry, right?

Men under 50, you don't need to be prodded just yet, but do a little research on preventative measures.  Men's Fitness has a great article about some easy steps to take in order to keep your prostate healthy.  Supplements, lifestyle changes (stop smoking), etc can go a LONG way.

Hell, some people even mention the benefits of 'milking' your prostate from time to time, to keep it lean and mean...

...that's at your own discretion, by the way.  Keep it to yourself bucko...

No matter how you do it, do it.  You don't want cancer.  I don't want cancer.  But this type of cancer has other effects as well...  I love my little guy... all of him, and don't want to lose any bit of him.

Because size matters.  To us.  We're fail little creatures, us men... Our penis is our confidence, our manhood, our ego.  Primitive yes, but important nonetheless.

PRES. OBAMA FISHING FOR A 3RD TERM?? Not So Fast...

My conservative friends are up in arms right now, stocking up on guns and preparing for the worst.

...no, it's not because of Obama's reelection 2 months ago, it's because he may be prepping for his campaign in 2016.

...wait, what?  A 3rd term?  You can't do that...

Chris Christie or John Candy?  You decide...

The Examiner published an article this weekend of a congressman's proposal, abolishing the 22nd amendment and removing term limits for Presidents.

It's a fun read.  Go ahead, read it and come back.  I'll wait.

The post mentions Rep. Serrano, a (gasp) Democrat also proposing this bill in 2009.  It was laughed at and shut down, just like this proposal will be laughed at and shut down.

But that's as far as they report.  It makes the article look like Serrano is just trying to help his Democratic brother stay in office indefinitely, right?

Not so fast, kemosabe.  Serrano has been a representative since 1989, and has proposed these 'Repeal Amendement 22' bills every new congress since 1997.

Every other year.  Including through the GW Bush administration.  He wants the amendement repealed and term limits gone, period.  He did it under the Clinton (D) administration, the GW Bush (R) administration as well as Obama's.

Democrat or not, I think Serrano is off-base.  He needs to propose term limits for all government service jobs, so we don't have comfy lifers in the House and Senate.  You know, the endless number of old coots (on BOTH SIDES of the aisle) that have been bought-out by special interests and lobbyists, that are slowing down our growth and adding to our woes.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, our government and the US stagnation isn't a Democrat problem or a Republican problem, it's a political problem.

And shitty reporting from The Examiner and this post's author Angel Clark help perpetuate the stupidity and fear-mongering.  Good job in only showing the facts to make this seam like an 'Obama's out to git'cha' story, instead of reporting the whole truth.

This isn't about Obama secretly gunning for a 3rd term.  This is about one Representative who has been trying to repeal the 22nd amendment for 16 years, through Red and through Blue Presidents.

Good job, Examiner, for showing your bias again.  No complaining about media bias for you, since you're just as bad as the rest.

Brandon's Baked Enchiladas con Sabor

I may be as white as they get, but I grew up in the ghetto.  I was one of the very few white kids on my block, so I spent a lot of time with my Hispanic friends, learning to swear in Spanish.

I was also surrounded by good food.  Mexican mamis that knew how to cook.  Because of this, Mexican food is still one of my favorites.

And since I'm a white boy (wexican?) I add my own huero twist to it all.

I wanted to make enchiladas and wasn't happy with the recipes I found online.  I was also feeling a little lazy, so I wanted it simple.  I ended up winging it, and it was awesome.  Here is the recipe, for those who would like to try to duplicate it...

Brandon's Baked Beef Enchiladas con Sabor

You will need:

2 lb ground beef (or 1lb beef and 1 can of black beans, depending on your mood)
1 can diced tomatoes (drained)
8 tortillas (I get the 'whole grain' ones because my girlfriend is 'one of THOSE' people...)
1 lg (19oz) can of red enchilada sauce
1lb shredded cheese (I use the 'Mexican Blend' kind)
1tsp Onion powder
1 clove fresh garlic (or 1/2 tsp garlic powder)
Pepper to taste (I use Cajun's Choice creole seasoning as my 'pepper blend' mix.  IT IS AWESOME and works with nearly everything)
1Tsp (tablespoon) Bufalo Chipotle Sauce

BOOOF-alo, not BUFF-alo.

The chipotle sauce is the 'con sabor' in this recipe.  It has all the smoky chipotle flavor without the heat.  You'll get enough heat from the red sauce and pepper blend.  One tablespoon will also give you a good presence without being overwhelmed by OMGCHIPOTLE flavor.

Directions (20-ish minutes of prep):

- Brown ground beef in a large skillet, over med-high heat.  DO NOT DRAIN.

- Add beans (if using beans), tomatoes, 1/3 of the can of red sauce, garlic and spices to the mix.  Bring to a bubble, and simmer for about 10 minutes.

- Heat the oven to 350 degrees (175 celcius)

- While simmering, take a casserole dish and line the bottom with tortillas (it took me 3 tortillas in the middle, and I ripped up a 4th to cover holes.  Sprinkle a little bit of the cheese on the bottom.

- Dump the beefy mix into the casserole dish, another sprinkling of cheese, then layer tortillas (another 3+1) on top of the mixture.  Dump the rest of the red sauce on top, spreading it to cover the tortillas.  Use the rest of the cheese on top of that (yes, all of it).

- Cover in foil (poke some holes in it) and bake for 20-30 minutes.  Serve with cerveza. 

It's part enchilada, part lasagna (with the layers) and part casserole.  It feeds 8-10, and is fan-fucking-tastic.

It was a huge hit.  I highly recommend it.  It screams 'white boy' to anyone that knows authentic mexican food, but will still please the palate.