Local Business Spotlight - The Missionary Mall

With a name like 'Missionary Mall' you were hoping it was just a bland sex shop, right?

Nope.

Meet one of the newer businesses to pop up in Eastern Idaho:  The Missionary Mall.  It is where the young mormons go to shop to get clothing and accessories for their 2-year mission of preaching and harassing unsuspecting people.

For the Grand Opening, they even had a giant inflatable "Mormon Man" in the front.

Mormon Man is the second-dullest super hero in existence (Sorry Aqua Man, you just suck...)

The Missionary Mall is the Walmart-Equivalent for Mormons on the go.  They have a checklist for missionaries on a budget, and everything comes with a 2-year guarantee, so you won't have to replace anything mid-mission.

Their lists is 2 Suits, 2 Pairs of Shoes, 6 ties, and 8 Shirts for 2 years of service.  Think about that list the next time you meet a missionary.  Smelly, over-worn pants and shoes...

As silly as I think some of the basic premises of their religion are, I have to show a little respect for these kids.  At a young age, being uprooted for 2 years and living in a strange land, having to talk to complete strangers and get blown off day after day...

Oh wait, that was college for me.  Except I did it in 4 instead of 2.  And got laid from time to time...

To any future-missionaries reading this:  Can I give you a word of advice?  Odor Eaters.  And maybe a few extra pairs of pants.  I know you're going to end up on my doorstep from time to time, but I'd rather not be able to see you, hear you, AND smell you.  This isn't a 'how many senses can we stimulate' game...

If anyone wants to come to Eastern Idaho and open up a S&M store called "Heathen's Haven" next to this store, I will love you forever.  Oh the shocked faces!