I'm essentially a 90's kid. I graduated High School in 98, which means the most artistically influential years of my life were filled with a wide variety of music.
The first Single I ever purchased was "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mixalot.
My friends and I would ride around the neighborhood on our bikes singing "Brass Monkey" and "Supersonic."
The first CD I ever purchased was Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em.
But my biggest musical collection of all from the 90's was my ska collection. Save Ferris, The Aquabats, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Goldfinger, and my favorite, Reel Big Fish.
Turn the Radio Off was the first CD I wore out. I didn't know you could wear those bad boys out, but wear and tear (and scratches) made this album die after a while.
RBF was also the first band I saw live in concert. They were performing at an outdoor festival in Riverside, CA one year, and it was a great time. First live band, first time in a circle pit (and my first chipped tooth...).
Good times.
So when my sister in law asked if I wanted to go to a venue to see a local Idahoan ska band, I jumped at the chance.
I meet her at this warehouse location off the beaten path, and had to pay a $3 cover to get in (yeah, one of those joints). We get there, and we're the oldest two in the place (and she's 22). A bunch of kids are here to see the band, and are loving 'the underground scene.'
*snrk* ok kids, calm down...
The opening band starts, and didn't check their sound system first. I see the front man shouting, but can't hear a word. Only guitar and drums, raping our eardrums.
Finally someone tells him, and the equalizer is adjusted. Now the rape is accompanied by unintelligible shouting.
Meanwhile, sis and I are texting back and forth, making fun of the scene and the horrible band. She keeps assuring me the REAL band is much better, and to just endure the pain a little longer.
Finally, the intro act stops, and the real band comes on. They check the sound system (good job) and whip out their instruments (brass = real ska band, and the first act was NOT). They hype up the crowd, and off they go.
And they were pretty good.
They're called The Opskamatrists, and they have a pretty good beat. What they lacked in F-bombs and sexual innuendo they made up for great energy and playing to the crowd.
Their style was so good, I bought the album. Which is saying something, because I haven't purchased a CD in years.
Best of all, they were my age. They were referencing and covering bands that most of the kids in the crowd haven't heard of (because they were crawling around back in those days) and their original tunes reminded me of the bands I loved as a teen.
If they're in town again, I'm going to check them out. Until then, I have their CD and a slew of other ska tunes on my iPod now, and will be living it up on the road.
While doing my exciting "Feed Me, Twitter" project, I ate a lot of exciting and rich foods. Overall the experiment was a huge success, except for one large problem.
I was blocked up pretty bad. To the point where I was in a little pain.
I had never been in a position to have to buy a laxative before, so this is new territory for me. Luckily I'm near a Target, so I run over to get something to help.
Soooooo many choices...
I decide on an ex-lax product that has chocolate instead of pills or liquid. I think "eating chocolate can't be too bad" so I buy the box and head back to my car.
I still haven't picked up dinner, so I'm reading the instructions at a red light.
"Take 1-2 pieces as needed, or daily for regular use."
I open the box.
It only has two bars in it.
What kind of a laxative box only comes with two pieces in it? (look at the picture. See '24?' I didn't...)
So I unwrap a bar, shove it in my mouth, and chew on the nastiest piece of chocolate I've ever had. "Wow, that's a lot of chocolate for just one dose" I think as I swallow...
After I park, I think about it some more. I look at the front of the box, and see '24.' I take out the other bar, and notice it has 12 little grooved pieces you're supposed to break apart.
I just had 12... and you're only supposed to have 1-2 at a time...
Oh crap. Literally.
I pick up dinner, sweating a little. This is going to be a bad night. Worried, I go back to the hotel, eat dinner, and wait.
Enough females have pissed me off in the last few days where I started finding misogynistic jokes funny. I'm not really a woman-hating pig, but these still made me laugh. Plant your tongue firmly in your cheek, and enjoy these with me:
Click to enlarge... totally worth it...
ok, this last one was bad. And I don't really feel this way. BUT I LAUGHED, DAMMIT!!!
I spend a lot of time on the road, thanks to my job. I'm always looking for new and exciting places to eat. Fast food gets boring quickly, and so do TV dinners or making sandwiches.
I like to eat out.
And if I'm in a new area, what better place to eat than a local place?
I started messing around twitter, and seeing if there were any business paying attention when I sent out my requests. A few weeks ago when I was in Boise. I tweeted "I'm in #Boise Idaho and looking for a great local place to eat. Suggestions?" and hit paydirt.
Chandlers Steakhouse saw my "I'm in Boise, I'm hungry, what do I do?" tweet and sent me a message. I checked them out, and was completely impressed. Now, if I want a great steak or am entertaining clients in Boise, Chandlers is my place to go.
Great job, twitter. You found me a great place.
I'm in Utah this week, and wanted to put twitter to the test again. Monday I was in Logan, and tweeted up. A fellow blogger (and Logan resident) told me about a place in town called The Bluebird.
It's a quaint little restaurant / candy shoppe / soda fountain in downtown logan. It's been around for nearly 100 years, and looks the part inside. Service was fast and friendly, the food was excellent (gigantic Prime Rib plus all the extras for $9.99?? WHOA!) and I left happy.
At first I was a little worried. I felt like the only one in the building not wearing a CTR ring or with 6 children. But the Utah mormons aren't as kooky as the Eastern Idaho mormons. People were friendly, laid back, and easy going.
(My theory of the 'crazies' being kicked out of Utah and pushed into Idaho still remains intact...)
Good job again, twitter.
Tuesday was Lunch in Layton, and a great Italian joint found me. Today will be Spanish/American Fork for lunch, or Cottonwood Heights for dinner. We'll see.
"What's for dinner, Twitter?" is a fun game to play. If you're in an unfamiliar area and feel like rolling the dice with a tweet, I'd highly recommend it. I haven't found a bad place yet.
I'm in Utah this week, and decided to drive into Logan through southeast Idaho. This scenic route took me through Preston, ID. Home of Napoleon Dynamite.
Yes, another thing Idaho is "famous" for (BIG air-quotes there...)
I drove through town, looking for any landmarks I could find from the movie. I couldn't find Napoleon's house, and I couldn't find Rex Kwan Do.
Which is a shame, because I wanted to try out my mad nunchuck skills...
There was also a very blatant lack of llamas in town. Maybe Napoleon owned the sole llama, and since it's a fictional movie, all the llamas in town are fictional as well...
No ligers.
No Pedro.
No LaFawnduh.
In fact, no minorities to be seen at all. Just farmers. A few shops and stores. A Burger King. But not a lot more than that.
I know this is an "I'll do my thing, you do yours, and let's leave each other alone" state, but if I were in the chamber of commerce, I'd be milking every tourism dollar I could. It's mentioned briefly on Preston's website, but I missed all the attractions (maybe I should go to their tourism agency and try again?)
Preston's website also mentions a Napoleon cartoon coming out soon, and is hoping a resurgence of tourism "from all around the world" when it launches.
Gosh....
You could come to town and play tetherball!
You could compete in tater-tot-eating contests!
You can do some sweet jumps on your friend's bicycle!
I was reading random twitter posts one day and came across someone writing a political tweet, mentioning Democrats needing to be tarred and feathered (and joking that Obama was already tarred...). The tweet rubbed me the wrong way, and linked to a website.
can't... resist.. correcting grammar...
I bit, and went to the site. When I arrived, I found a poorly written joke calling Dem's chickens, and the grammar errors drove me to write a pretty scathing comment.
It turns out the dude I insulted is not only a humorist (and there were dollops of sarcasm dripping from the post), but the guy is pretty famous. And good at what he does.
I start reading other bits and pieces from his site, and realize he blasts both sides fairly well. He's a really good cartoonist too. Overall, I like the site, since I dislike both parties on an almost-equal level.
...but I forgot about the hand grenade I had written, and moved on with my day.
Did I just piss off a celebrity?
A few days later, I wake up to a handful of emails from this guy. Not only did he read my comment (crap) but he went to my blog (uh oh) and blasted a few things from one of my posts (ugh...). Not only had I picked on a satirist, I did it well enough to get his attention, and allow him to turn his sights on me.
Oh, but it gets better.
He blasts me, he blasts my blog, and now he's following me on twitter. And has paid for adspace to promote his site on my blog...
So what do I do? I ended up liking his site and his style, only to piss him off...
I ended up typing an apology email, and telling him I'd actually advertise his site instead of refunding his money. It's mainly because it's a good site and he's a good humorist, but also to eat a little crow on my end. I shouldn't have fired a shot across a stranger's bow like that.
Holy fuck, what have I done?
Now, the only question is what happens from here. I smacked him across the face and got his attention. Now, with my tail between my legs, will he still notice, or did I burn the bridge?
Lady Estrogen has a great thing going on with Jeremy London, and Q has Taylor Corley (sorry Jeremy, Taylor's hotter than you, so I'm more jealous of Q). Bloggers with celebrity followers seems to be the chic thing, so I want a celebrity of my own.
...and I doubt Anne Hathaway is going to happen for me, so I should just take a shot and be glad anyone remotely famous would like a goob like me.
So, Will Roberts, if you're still paying attention, your ad is up. Your site is awesome. And I'm sorry. Feel free to stick around and stalk me, if you like what you see...
Racism is a touchy subject, and will be for years to come. Recently a law passed in Alabama regarding illegal immigration, and almost immediately anyone with brown skin became a "Damn Mexican" and was harassed to go back to Mexico. Where you are for or against illegal immigration laws, the basic public ignorance will make your stomach turn. (check out this article for more)
A lot of racism, though, is probably unintentional. Take technology for example. Computers with webcams now fave facial recognition technology, and will automatically zoom and center on your face when it sees it.
...unless you're black. Then it can't see you.
This video has been passed around the internet for a few years now. It's funny, but brings up an interesting point: When building technology, do you HAVE to think a little bit about race? Absolutely. Because the software doesn't work for black people, I'm assuming nobody on the testing team had dark skin.
...just like I'm assuming the testers of this camera were probably not Asian...
...which is interesting, because the Headquarters for Nikon is in Tokyo.
If there is not a diversity of engineers making this technology, I understand. Same with Quality Control. But when product testing, maybe you have to think a little bit racist. Not to be a bigot, but to make sure the technology capabilities work for a diverse group of people.
This makes me wonder... would a vehicle with voice recognition understand Ebonics? Or redneck? Or English with a heavy accent from another culture? Anybody want to test that out for me and let me know?
If you have experienced a technologial goof-up due to race or culture, please share below. Thanks!
And then, when it didn't, the dude that predicted that whole nonsense had a stroke?
Well, after the stroke, he redid is math... and TODAY is actually Rapture day!
YAAAAAAYYYY!!!!
I have been hearing radio reports all day about how today is "RAPTURE DAY 2011: THE SEQUEL" and I can't help but giggle. It's supposed to happen around noon Pacific time.
So... if I don't blog tomorrow, you'll know why. SEE YA, BITCHES!
Sure it sucks to be away from home 3-4 nights a week, but it's a living. I make decent money, and the harder I work now, the easier it will be for me later.
But... honestly? I get bored.
I spend a lot of time in hotel rooms. My clients are open during business hours, so when they all shut down at 6, so do I. Sometimes I work out. Sometimes I watch TV. Sometimes I go out, have some drinks, and meet new people. Mostly, I just keep the momentum going and work from my laptop until I can't stand it anymore.
Because there's nothing better to do.
Recently, I googled "fun things to do in a hotel" and found a few pranks websites. The devil-horns start to peek out, as my grin grows.
Seriously, I looked like the Grinch when I first discovered these bad boys.
Some pranks involve knocking on two doors side-by-side, yelling "ROOM SERVICE!" and then hiding. Watching them argue with each other about who knocked whom's door sounds kind of funny, but I'll pass.
Another prank suggest buying a universal remote with a long range, and walking down the hallway turning TV's on and off, turning up the volume, etc. (I have one of these remotes at home. It *MAY* need to come with me next week...)
And then there are these ideas...
I found this picture off Damn Cool Pictures. A comedian named Bert Kreischer always leaves something "fun" for his room service to clean up when he leaves a hotel room. Click the link above to see the pictures, but some involve fake blood, rearranging furniture, and stuffing what looks like dead bodies in the mini-fridge.
If I ever grow some MAJOR balls, and don't mind a hefty cleanup fee, I'll give this one a try.
For now, if you hear a knock on the door and nobody's there, it's probably just me entertaining myself.
I'm so far North in Montana, I feel like I'm knocking on Canada's underbelly. I found a cool pizza joint next to my hotel, and ordered a spicy pizza.
Jalapenos. Red Peppers. Green Peppers. Tabasco. Spicy Sausage.
Uuuuungh....
If you're looking for more in-depth reading today, feel free to read a review I did for edenfantasys on a sex toy that makes a FWEEF FWEEF FWEEF sound when you use it. You know, if you like TMI...
I'll be on the Talk2Q radio program on November 15th. Joining me will be Sonia from logallot.com and CriTeekMyBlog. We will be discussing marketing, entertainment and current events.
Sonia is a blogging and marketing GENIUS, and I know a trick or two as well. Between the two of us, it'll be a very interesting show.
"Hi. My name is Charlie Chaplin. I don't speak often, but when I do, I say the greatest speech ever."
Someone shared this video with me and I had to pass it on. This is a speech from "The Great Dictator," a movie written by and starring Charlie Chaplin. It was made in 1940, and was the first movie to openly blast the Nazi regime.
Mr. Chaplin wrote this speech 71 years ago, and the message still rings true. Share this post if you agree.
God bless America. God bless capitalism, free enterprise, and the ability to innovate. But I don't think our founding fathers expected 1% of the US population to control the wealth of this nation. I am not asking for a communist "something for everyone" solution. Entrepreneurs should be allowed to make what they earn. But when a CEO's salary is 10000% higher than an average employee, there is a lopsidedness that needs to be addressed.
One sign I recently saw said "How about a maximum wage?" Cute idea. There's a minimum, what about a maximum? Or a threshold keeping executives from making no more than x% more than the median salary of all non-executives?
I plan on going into business some day. I have some great ideas. If I become ultra-successful, I plan on sharing the wealth. If I'm running a business and making $500k a year into my own pocket, you better damn-well believe my employees are going to be paid more than $7.75 an hour...
Wealth and greed are not the same thing. The protesters are not attacking the wealthy. They are attacking the greedy, the corrupt, the immoral. I am the 53%. I am the 99%. (and yes, you can be both) I am a US Citizen and I refuse to profit at the cost of another's plight.
Bravo, Charlie. Bravo.
For those asking for a transcript of the speech:
I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor, that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate;
has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.
We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in:
machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical,
our cleverness hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little:
More than machinery we need humanity;
More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.
Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".
The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish. . .
Soldiers: don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.
Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate, only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers: don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.
In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written:
"The kingdom of God is within man"
Not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men; in you, the people.
You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power, let us all unite.
Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise.
Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance.
Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.
Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!
No? Well GO HERE to read all about it. It'll take a few minutes, but it's well worth the read.
Ok, back?
For the first time ever, I'm going to Helena Montana for the week. Well, the first time in real life I should say. When you read the story, you'll understand why I'm nervous.
You see, even though I've never actually stepped foot in Helena, I'm probably barred from the city. The blogging cast had WAY too much fun in our little mansion (sorry Squatlo) and most likely have our faces and names plastered on a "persona non grata" wall somewhere.
When I arrive in Helena, will I immediately be booted out?
Will I have scores of bar buddies waiting to hang out?
Will Q be waiting for me at the Capitol, going "ok bro, let's do this" with a can of spraypaint and an "Occupy ALL the things!" sign?
I'm probably going to hell for laughing at this one, but meh...
This video has been passed around for a few months now, and you've probably already seen it. But it seems fitting to share this on a Sunday, since a good portion of the world is heading to church.
Just remember... while you pass around the collection plate, there are twice as many people passing around joints. Well, if THIS survey is any indication...
If you need me, I'll be doing neither. I'll be watching football. Go Panthers!
Today I'm going to share my favorite yet. Why? Because this is the first one I've found that I'm actually somewhat into.
Non-pornographic porn. Specifically the type found at Beautiful Agony. BA specializes in vids people record of them getting themselves off. But there's a twist.
No nudity. No graphic images. You typically see the person (they have both men and women) from the shoulders up.
Like this.
No nipples, no penises, no X rating at all. Just facial expressions, moans and the like. You get to see people at their purest, having a no-frills and no-nonsense orgasm.
Most smut online is graphic. Extremely graphic. The reason I like this concept is because it's a little classier than the normal fare. You get to see people doing their thing, and an orgasm is a beautiful thing.
I love having them. I love giving them to others. Orgasms rock.
Bonus points, for guys who watch way too many pornos, you get to see what an actual climax looks like. This isn't a faked "oh baby, give it to me harder" ordeal. This is the quivering, the gasping, the facial expressions and the release that make it feel oh so good.
It can also be educational for the sexually inexperienced. No two O's are the same. They're like sexual snowflakes. Just because you don't hear "oh god, oh God, OH GOD" doesn't mean the bubble didn't burst.
I'm trying to keep this post semi-safe for work (as I do for most Freaky Friday posts) but if you want to see an actual video of this, click here. The site is ultra-NSFW, so click at your own discretion.
The first time I saw it, I didn't blink. And for someone who looks at dirty vids from time to time, that's saying something.
It's tame. It's not X rated. But it's still pornography, and it's outside what could be called the norm. While not a true blue fetish, I think it classifies. Barely.
I'm currently in Boise, and yesterday the people marched. I counted thousands, and was impressed on how quickly this is spreading. A lot of people are fed up with the ultra-rich being beyond the rules. One sign read:
"I can't afford a lobbyist. I am the 99%."
Too true. When you can't hire muscle, you are forced to go with the tides. Keep fighting the good fight, people.
In the meantime, I need a little more humor on my blog... So here we go.
Soooo many businesses are hiring in my area. From minimum wage to salary jobs, Southern Idaho is hiring.
Where was this shit a year ago? When I first moved to Idaho, I made minimum wage at a car dealership for 3 weeks, then was out of work for another 4 1/2 months...
...well, at least it means the economy is showing signs of recovery. Maybe not for the entire US, but Idaho seems to be getting better.
Anyways...
In case you missed it, the fantastic Lady Estrogen hijacked my blog last week with her amusing tales of Canada. Well, it's time to return the favor. You can find today's REAL post over at Adventures in Estrogen.
Warning: It's about how I lost my virginity. TMI maybe, but it's a funny-ass story.
**Comments Disabled for this post, because YOU SHOULD BE CLICKING THE BUTTON!!!!**
When I was 8, "No Girls Allowed" was a way of declaring a cootie-free zone. Boys wanted to do boy things, and didn't want icky girls ruining their fun.
This sign would hang from bedroom doors. From tree houses. It was a line drawn in the sand. And it rarely ever worked.
Saying "you can't come here" only made the girls more interested, and more persistent.
This is why us adult men strive for "The man cave" ...yet include a stripper pole.
You think us bros are going to be dancing on that thing? No way. It's a plan B, just in case a woman (or her hot friends) decide to breach the 'dude only' zone and enter our sanctum santorum.
You're totally not allowed. Go away.
What? Not going away?
Ok, come on in.
Can I pour you a drink (or six)?
Oh, look, did you see my stripper pole? Are you any good?
Now that I have explained why men still use the "No girls allowed" approach, Dr. Pepper, I salute you for this following ad:
I love Dr. Pepper, so I'll be trying this out. If it doesn't have the shitty diet aftertaste, I may give it a shot. As for the marketing, not only are they marketing a diet soda to men, but they're adding the 'it's not for women' mantra to make women want it even more.
Or... could it be DP is actually taking the misogynistic approach? Women, what do YOU say? I have more women reading my blog than men, so I am interested in your opinion.
Oh, and just FYI ladies... it may be called a 'man cave,' but when I have one, you're all welcome to visit. (and yes, there will be a stripper pole...)
I was out of work for nine months. It will take me 4.6 years to pay off the debt I amassed in this time. I took whatever work I could find, and freelanced as much as possible, but I am now so deep in the hole it scares me.
I have been out of college for ten years, but am still paying on student loans and will be for some time. I went to school to be a music teacher. Since there was never a job for me in that field, I have spent my entire career in a business and sales/marketing setting. To me, college was useless.
I make what could be considered a Median salary now. I live in a very affordable house, and do my best to live within my means. When banks and businesses make grave financial mistakes, they get millions or billions in bailout money. If I make a financial mistake, I get hit with hundreds of dollars in NSF fees from my bank, and some bill isn't going to get paid.
I have scrapped. I had to ride public transit for two hours each way to go to college. I lived off ramen noodles. I sacrificed, paid my dues, all to live the American Dream. Yet here I am, age 30. Credit rating in the tank. Struggling to get back on track. Working 60+ hours a week, travelling across 5 states just to play keep-up. A third of my paycheck going to child support, when my ex works two jobs and makes way more than I do. A third of my paycheck going to debts that will take years to pay off. I can live off my share (33% less taxes) but my take-home doesn't justify the amount of work and effort I do.
Dear 1% - Is there anything that 1/3 of YOUR paycheck goes to? Have you ever hunted for change in your couch cushions, just to have enough gas money to go to work? Have you ever had to sell your possessions on eBay, just to have enough money to keep going?
I am the 99%. I work hard, I earn my keep. I deserve better. I deserve to get out of this system what I'm putting in. I am a good person, working hard, making a difference. I think that's worth something. I fight every day to improve my life.
I have an entrepreneur's spirit. Give me a hundred thousand dollars, and I'll turn it into 3 million. Give me a chance, since mommy and daddy couldn't hand me one, and watch me go. Of the 99%, there are some lazy-ass people, but the same can be said for both sides. More often than not, you have someone who will work hard, and deserve to be treated (and rewarded) accordingly.
I am the 99%. And I am tired of being held down. To those occupying Wall Street, I salute you. Keep fighting the good fight.
