Pre-Movie Review: My Thoughts on the Moments Before The Hunger Games

I'm an avid book reader, and The Hunger Games was a very fun read.  When I heard it was coming out as a movie, I knew I would see it within the first week.

And I rarely do that.  The last movie series I HAD TO SEE RIGHT AWAY was the Lord of the Rings trilogy (and NO, I didn't dress up).

So, the Monday after the release, my girlfriend and I went to see The Hunger Games in theaters.

The movie was good, although there were some minor changes from the book (there always is in every adaptation, get over it purists...).  What made this moviegoing experience memorable was the 30 minutes leading up to the start of the movie.  This is not a movie review, this is a pre-movie review.

We arrived a half hour early, to ensure good seating.  Showings were every 30 minutes, and most people were trying to cram into the 6:30 screening while we opted for 7:00.

We get to the screening room, and head to the 2nd row from the back.  This row has about 10 feet separating it from the back row, which means nobody kicking our seats.

(I went to see The Phantom Menace in 3D earlier this year, and almost beat the living shit out of a 10yo who wouldn't stop kicking my seat...)

We sat in the center.  5 minutes later, a group of teenage girls came and sat in the same row:

Exits on the left and right.  The came from the left, crossed my gf and I, and sat to the right of us.

They would get up to go get snacks.  Get up to pee before the movie.  Get up to find their other friends.  Every time, instead of going to the closer exit (on the right) they would go in front of us on their way to the left exit.

Seven times, they did this, before the movie even started...

My loving girlfriend remarked "Remember to bring a squirt bottle next time.  If it's good for training cats, maybe it's good for training teens..."

I love her...

(And some warning.  If you frequent the Edwards Movie Theater in Idaho Falls and get squirted with water in the future, it's us.)

As the previews started, my snarkiness grew.

The trailer for the 2nd Snow White movie this season came out, with Bella Swan as the heroine.  I'm no Twilight fan, so I'll be rooting for the Evil Queen this movie...

Johnny Depp (in another Tim Burton movie) playing a Vampire in the 70's, staying with an odd hippie family.  Oh, the hijinks will ensue!!  And what, no Helena Bonham Carter?  Did she die or something?  She's in all the Burton/Depp movies lately!!

Next was Prometheus, which looks like an "oops, we woke up some Aliens that are gonna kill us" type of movie.  Oh, it's made by Ridley Scott?  That makes sense...

What I loved most about the Prometheus trailer were the aliens.  They look like mutated Heffalumps from Winnie the Pooh...

I turn to my girlfriend and say "Holy shit, Pooh was right.  The heffalumps ARE going to get us!"  She laughed.  The people in front of me roared.  I made friends.  It was awesome.

A couple of shitty previews later, the movie started.  Teen girls played with their phones, and got yelled at by a crapton of movie goers.  It made me smile.  The movie was engaging, and would be entertaining for people who haven't read the book.  They explain a lot to make sure nobody gets lost.

But... of course the TwiHards are already getting on board.  I saw some girls this week with "Team Peeta" and "Team Gale" shirts on (when you see the movie or read the books, it will make more sense) when it dawned on me.  This movie is part Twilight, part Running Man, and a little bit of 1984 mixed in.  Nothing is really original in this story, but the mashup of themes works well.

Oh well.  Pass the popcorn (and the squirt bottle).

Movie theaters piss me off

My wonderful girlfriend received some free movie tickets to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, so we and her coworkers went to see the premiere.

Honestly, the movie itself wasn't so bad.  Solid 7 out of 10, I'd say.

But my problem isn't with the movie itself... it was with the event as a whole.

Being a premiere, it was packed.  We were toward the front of the line, so the crowding wasn't so bad.  But before the premieres started, the theater manager had to come in, announce "saving seats is not allowed" and went over the rules of the theater before she'd leave us alone.  Best of all, it was done entirely via megaphone, about 6 feet from my face.

I wanted to 'boo' her.

Next up were the previews.  There are a few good summer flicks coming out, but some of the premiers bothered me.

First up was the movie-rendition of Rock'em Sock'em Robots.  I kid you not.  Watch the vid...

I used to play boxing robots when I was a kid.  But not once did I say "hey, you know what?  This would make a kickass movie!"  Hugh Jackman, whatever they paid you for this, it wasn't enough.

Next was the token goofball comedy: Zookeeper...

Paul Blart: Mall Cop meets Dr. Doolittle in this zany comedy of a dimwitted, unattractive zookeeper trying to win a shallow supermodel's love.  The sad thing is... people will pay to see this.  A lot of people...

Ok, enough of the previews.  The movie starts, and it's the normal Pirates style.  Jack Sparrow has some zany misadventures, almost dies yet narrowly escapes, and then the true adventure can start.   Dun dun dun!!!

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....."

Um, what?

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....."

Yes folks, there's a baby in the theater.  And no, mommy isn't leaving with the baby... she'd miss the movie!!  Instead, she tries to shoosh him for a good 5 minutes before finally giving up, and exiting the theater.

But wait....

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....."

Not another one...

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....."

Yep.  One in the back, one in the front.  Luckily this mommy got the hint faster.

Lucky for her, too.  If she were any closer, or took any longer, I would have hucked a gummy worm at her.  I mean, who brings a baby to a loud PG-13 movie theater on opening day?  Either find a babysitter or come another time.  Disrupting a crowd of 250+ because of your own selfishness is just plain rude.

The rest of the movie played on, the ending was predictable, humorous, and left enough open for yet another sequel.  The movie itself was decent, but the environment kind of got on my nerves.

After the movie was done, the group wanted to stay together and hang for a bit.  In the same mini-mall area is a self-serve Frogurt place a-la-pinkberry, but a little different.  It's called Orange Leaf (see what they did there?) and it was packed.

Packed with teens.

Prom teens.

Kinda slutty-ish prom teens.  I don't remember the girls at my prom looking this trashy, and we were in the ghetto.  Trashy was our middle name.

Nope, here in mormon-ville, this is the one time girls can look as trashy as they want and it's ok.  Short poofy skirts were a-plenty.  One girl's dress was so short I could tell you what type of underwear she had on.  The bad thing is I could probably get arrested if I told you...

The favorite out of the slutty prom crew was this blonde in the red dress.  Our group all decided that she did her hair in the 'messy look' so mommy and daddy wouldn't be able to tell if she rolled out of her date's back seat or not.

Or maybe she just did, and her hair was perfect about a half hour ago... who knows?

At least the night ended with some amusement.  And a great idea.  They have these little juice-filled boba balls you can add to your yogurt.  I'm going to make an alcoholic version of it, open up an 'adult' pinkberry and just call it "Drunk-Ass Yogurt."  Come on in, and eat your way to a good buzz!

What do you think?  Would you like booze for dessert?  Sounds tempting, doesn't it??