Return of the Clean Meter: Time to boost my score

Thank you all for participating in yesterday's Cleanmeter fun.  Not only was it a well-received post, but insanely popular as well.  It was the #1 viewed post of the day, and after just one day it became the post of the week, and the 3rd-most viewed post of the month!

It just goes to show that everyone loves some good *cough* clean fun...

But, how to follow such an awesome post?

Well, why not bring it back, and try to boost my score?  I was mid-yellow as of yesterday, and plan on fixing that little snafu.

Over Memorial Day weekend, I did a post listing off a gaggle of funny vagina names.  It was fun, was widely popular, and I've been wanting to do something similar for a while.  Today is that day.  My followers, I bring to you:

The top 20 euphemisms for male and female masturbation.  I'll be doing 20 of each so sit back, dim the lights, put on some 'mood music' and don't let anyone catch you.

Male:

20. Wasting Paste
19. A date with Pamela Handerson
18. Roughing up the suspect
17. Applying the hand-brake
16. Building upper-body strength
15. Cleaning your rifle
14. Waxing the surfboard
13. Shakin' hands with the unemployed
12. Painting the ceiling
11. The five-knuckle shuffle

10. Hand to gland combat
9. Turning japanese (yes, bad taste, but I laughed a little...)
8. Disobeying the Pope
7. Checking the Oil
6. Arm aerobics
5. Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo (nerd alert!)
4. Playing with the Pink Power Ranger
3. Sanding your banister
2. Zoot Flute Riot (5-points if you get the reference)
1. Pitching a knuckleball

Female:

20. Sending muffin morse code
19. The two-finger tango
18. Stirring the sauce
17. Makin some soup
16. Tending your own garden
15. Double clicking the mouse
14. Going fishing with the man in the boat
13. Defrosting the fridge
12. Stirring the honey pot
11. Doing your nails
10. Twinkling the little star

9. Visiting the safety deposit box
8. Testing the plumbing
7. Tickling the tuna
6. Making kitty purr
5. Getting a jiffy-lube
4. Doing the two-finger slit rumba
3. Finger-painting
2. Flipping the light switch repeatedly (OCD much?)
1.  Shuffling your iPod



Ok, so let's see what this little post did to my cleanmeter rating, shall we??




...excellent...

If I missed any good ones, please let me know by leaving a comment below.  Thanks for playing!

Thank you, Mormon Zone, for giving me the bestest toy EVER!

My blog has a wide variety of readers.  One of which is a former intern at my current workplace.  She's LDS, and has a great sense of humor.  She's one of the "normal" mormons (I blog about the wacky ones) and always tries to add some with and mormon-truth to my blog.

Recently she turned me on to a website called Mormon Zone.  It is full of LDS jokes, and she thought I could get a tidbit or two for my blog.  I spent about an hour on the site, and she was right.  I DID get something worthwhile from Mormon Zone!

But not what she expected.  You see, most of the jokes were lame.  Ultra lame.  It had 'top 10' jokes about different LDS scenarios, and talked about their fetish with Jello Salad.  While slightly humorous, I didn't really see it as 'blog-worthy.'

However, one super-cool function I found on their site was their cleanliness rating:

This site has been verified as Ultra-Clean by cleanmeter!  Yay!!  But no wonder the jokes were so boring.  They're as tame as they get.  No pot-stirring, no controversy, no innuendo.  Just clean, happy, mormon jokes...

Cleanmeter is a website that lets you check the cleanliness of web pages before you go browsing.  It is used as a tool for parents to safeguard their children from seeing vulgar and obscene websites.

While I applaud the efforts of cleanmeter, I see this tool more as a toy.  I wondered what cleanmeter would say about my blog?

I typed in my url, and this was the result:

 

Two bits of vulgarity launched me into the mid-yellow range.  I'm not sure if I was more surprised at the lack of filth on my site, or the fact that only 2 vulgar references got me into the middle of 'naughty boy' range.

So I tried a few more bloggers I follow:

This is The Animated Woman.  She has an amazing blog, and is usually fairly clean.  I would consider her blog more child-safe than my own, yet according to cleanmeter her website was considered more dangerous than mine.  (I wonder how she will react when she sees this?)  One crude anatomical reference is scarier than two vulgarities... interesting...

Jillsmo at Yeah. Good Times. is a little more avant-garde, and it shows on the meter.  It catalogs all of her naughtiness, and shows you why I adore her blog so much.  This mommyblogger has a mouth, and an amazing sense of humor.  But BEWARE!!!  She's a scary RED on the meter!!

And then there's Michelle at Rantings of the Reckmonster.  She pretty much broke the scale, and I love her for that.  You go girl!!  Scare them sheltered children!!

Want to know where your blog ends up?  Or do you want to test your favorite websites?  Go to Cleanmeter's Website and enjoy the fun!