The wide world of lame sports

When I was waiting for my flight at the Spokane airport (during my 18 hour flannel-filled ordeal), I decided to plop down at the airport bar and enjoy a drink.

I'm not sure if the channel was turned to the Speed channel or ESPN 12, but the denizens of the bar were watching a monster truck rally.

I was amused, to say the least.  Not only was the stadium packed to the gills, but the announcers kept referring to the show as a "sport."  I see a monster truck jam like I do professional wrestling.  Entertainment?  Sure.  A sport?  Hardly.

I sat and watched this nonsense for a good 45 minutes before my flight was ready to board.  Was there Bigfoot?  No.  Gravedigger?  Nope.  Any of the 'big name' monster trucks from the 80's and 90's?  Not a one.

They all had lame names like "Rocky's Rockin Rig" and such.  There was no gimmick, no flair.  Just little dudes in big trucks, running around in circles.

Truckasaurus was nowhere to be seen.

The announcers and the drivers were taking this 'sport' way too seriously.  Gone were the days of breathing fire and smashing VW Beetles.  Gone was the hype.  All that was left was a touney-style bracket of racers.  They had to do two laps around a lame circular course, and the slower of the two was eliminated.

So, in essence, it was like NASCAR but less laps.  And bigger trucks.  Maybe it's the 21st century version of NASCAR for people with ADHD??

As you can tell, I was disappointed.  I think, of all the lame sports, I could find (or improve upon) something else and make it more exciting than Monster Truck Racing.

For example, hacky sack.  While the basics look boring, you can add some 'extreme' into the mix.  If you are passed the sack and drop it, you're eliminated and thrown in a "Fear Factor" style pit of ants or grubs or something.

Every 5 minutes of game time, Zinedine Zidane comes out and charges/headbutts a random player.  You better react fast!  If it's your turn and Z knocks you out, you're gonna get the pit...

Add some pro-wrestling hype, scantily clad women, and announcers who like to overreact, and you may have a decent sport on your hands.

Speaking of scantily clad women, check out what an Italian Restaurant at Vegas' Caesar's Palace has done to bocce.  Meet the bocce bellas.  Not only do they teach you how to play the game, but they will cheer you on as you *cough* handle your balls with skill.

Imagine watching some 50's+ men playing bocce with these two jumping up and down going "yaaaaaay!!"  Who needs viagra now??  Not those guys.

So what say you, oh blogging nation?  Do you like to watch Monster Trucks?  If not, what 3rd-rate sport would you pick to watch instead?  None of the big name sports... I'm talking badminton, snooker, or extreme chess here... 

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