A Quick Random Funny

Just because I'm a tech nut and this made me laugh for a little longer than it should...

The Thrill of a Poker Tournament

Ten years ago, Texas Hold'em Poker was one of the 'in' things to do.  The World Series of Poker was extremely popular, and more and more people were holding Poker Nights in their neighborhoods.

Even though it isn't as big as it used to be, people still love a good WSOP poker tournament.  So much so that I am making sure my company has a casino night when they do their open house.

I have done these events in the past, and it is always a hit.

With a casino night, people can gamble and drink without spending a dime.  There still needs to be an incentive to win, so what I often do is have a top prize for the winners.

There is the standard casino floor, and there is a poker tournament.  The top winner on the casino floor will win a custom set of poker chips, and the winner of the poker tourney also wins a set.

I get my hosting vendors to sponsor the chips, and their logos are put on the chips as a 'thank you.'   Manufacturer A is on the blue chips, B is on the red chips, etc.  If you get 4 or 5 companies to do this, it doesn't cost you a dime and you have a sexy looking set.

Customers love it because it is unique and will remind them of the fun they had.  Past winners have displayed their poker sets in their store, showing it off to competitor distributors and manufacturers alike.

All I can do is grin.

I myself love to play poker, but as the host I can't win.  It wouldn't be fair, after all.

But I do love to compete, so I play with my friends and on online poker sites from time to time.

Am I good enough to be on the WSOP?  No way.  If any company wants to sponsor me, it'll just be throwing away cash.

But I do play for the love of the game, and because I'm a professional bullshitter.  For some reason I come off as believable, and use that to my advantage.

Do you still play poker, or is that too 2000's for you?  Do you play with friends?  Play online?  Do you know where to go for good online poker room reviews?  Please share your stories with a comment below.

Be Careful What You Say on Facebook

If you follow me on facebook, you probably know I post funny pictures ad nauseum, and come up with funny quips from time to time.  I scour the interwebs looking for funny things to share, and my followers love it.

Earlier in the week, I found a funny photo and wanted to share it with a group I'm in before putting it on my page:

A lot of us were laughing, but one person didn't get it:

I was 'nicely' saying butterfly tramp stamps (according to this picture) are seen on fat unemployed women.  But by asking "Who has these types of tattoos?" it gave her the chance to respond like THIS:

OOPS!  Oh shit, oh shit, how do I backtrack?  I mean, er, um...

She found the humor in it, as we all did, but WOW... did I stick my foot in my mouth or what??

(now, if you're not already following my page on Facebook, go there now and add me.  I post things there almost daily, and you'll love it)

Post 666

This is my 666th post.

I have been blogging for about 2 1/2 years now, and we've come a long way baby.

It's been a hell of a journey (and here come the 666 jokes...)

But in all seriousness, where the hell has everyone gone?

This time last year, I was getting 125,000 views monthly.  Now I'm down to 30-50k, which still isn't bad... but there was some sort of mass exodus.

I'd also get 10-50 comments per post.  Now I'm lucky if I can get 5 in one conversation.

Where did you go?  Did I offend you?

Is this because of my hiatus when my dad passed away?

*tap tap*  Hello... is this thing on?

I don't want the blog to end with 666 posts... that's a bad omen after all... but is anyone listening?

I'm Feelin 32 (a parody)

We partied hard the day I turned 30.

I drank a decent amount.  I've had more, but I definitely drank my share.

I had a hangover for a day and a half.

I have NEVER had a hangover last that long, even when I drank my weight in expensive liquor at a business event.

Welcome to your thirties.   Old man.

Fast forward to Sunday, where I was listening to the local 'hits' radio station.  Taylor Swift's '22' was on, and it gets stuck in my head easily.  I was humming that song later in the day when I stretched.

...and almost blacked out.  Yep, I'm old now.  Can't even stretch without feeling it.

I'm 32.  Which prompted this song:

(sung to the tune of '22' by Taylor Swift)

It feels like a perfect night to go to bed early

And make fun of teenagers, uh uh uh uh

It feels like a perfect night to drink a lot of booze

And be hungover for days, uh uh uh uh

Yeaaaaah

We’re getting old, denying it and suff’ring at the same time

It’s miserable and stifling oh yeah

Tonight’s the night we forget the fact we’re aging, it’s time

Uh uh!

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 32

Everything will be all right unless I drink as much as you

You don’t know about me but I bet you want to

Everything will be all right if I keep in mind I’m 32, 32

It seems like one of those nights

This place is too crowded with too many young kids

It seems like one of those nights

We ditch the whole scene and end up watching The Walking Dead instead of partying

Yeaaaaaah

We’re getting old, acting young, feeling it in the worst way

It’s miserable and stifling oh yeah

Tonight’s the night we break down and buy Mustangs, it’s time

Uh uh!

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 32

Everything will be all right unless I drink as much as you

You don’t know about me but I bet you want to

You think I’m your age, but I’m really 32, 32  (Ugh)

There's more to her song, but this is where she starts repeating herself so I decided to stop.

And, of course, it wouldn't be a Taylor Swift parody without a screaming goat or two...

Dad's Old Poster - To Frame or To Sell?

Going through my dad's things, I have found a lot of old and fond memories.  One of my favorites so far has to be an Eric Dickerson poster from long ago.

I remember the Ram's game we went to, when they gave away this poster to all in attendance.  I got one, dad got one (in other words, dad got two).  One was put in a poster frame and hung in his garage, and the other was put away.

Rainy day, collector's item... I'm not sure what he was thinking... but he kept it all this time - still rolled up, still in the original plastic wrap.

The garage poster was left in California when he moved to AZ.  I checked ebay and other online sites and cannot find a replica of this poster ANYWHERE.  My first inclination was to sell it.  Rare = Valuable, right?

But I was raised an LA Rams fan.  #29, Dickerson's number, is my lucky number.  Long long ago when I played football, I was #29.

I'm keeping the poster.

Since I am in my 30s, I am well-beyond the age where I hang a poster with tape or tacks.  I'll be looking for a poster frame to not only hold this poster, but my Topps card from the 80's from when ED broke the single-season rushing record (which, luckily, Adrian Peterson BARELY fell short of last season).

I discovered poster frame depot and they look like they can easily fill my needs.  My only regret is not framing my other childhood posters (and YES, I did have the obligatory Farrah poster from the 70s).  I'm just glad this memory from my youth will last a very long time.

Best of all, I now have my own office.  The basement belongs to me, so I can decorate as I see fit.  I can build a man cave, with fathead cutouts and sports memorabilia.  I can decorate my office with motivational (maybe DEmotivational?) posters and business-themed decor.  For now, this will be in my office, to remind me of my roots and some good memories with dad.

His Dan Marino autrographed football, however, will be on eBay shortly.  He was the Dolphin's fan, not me.  (GO PANTHERS! haha)  Sorry dad, can't keep it all!

How A Bad Hotel Experience Earned My Business For Life

I live, essentially, on the road.  I cover 5 states for my work and was in hotel rooms 117 nights last year.

I have good experiences and bad experiences.  How the bad ones are handled separate the mediocre hotels from the great ones.

Here is my story, as I type from my hotel room...

I was ironing my clothes for the next day (as I always do) and went to iron my shirt.  I check the heat levels and make sure not to 'overcook' my clothes, to prevent THIS from happening:

My shirt got fried.  At the right setting.  I guess the iron overheated or the gauge didn't work?  Either way, this shirt is ruined... the dark spot is a hard, burnt splotch of polyester.  Dead.

First thing I did was call the front desk to get a replacement iron.  This is why I pack a spare shirt, just in case...

...wait.  I didn't pack a spare shirt.  SHIT.

It was 8:40pm.  I had 20 minutes to get to a department store and find a replacement, or else I get to wear dirty laundry (or head home one day early... or see stores naked... either/or...).

I got to a JC Penney with 8 minutes to spare, and found a shirt that worked.  Nick of time.

Now, the 'above and beyond' part...

The hotel paid for my replacement shirt.  I grabbed the first thing that worked (which happened to be NOT from the $19.99 rack, oops...) and they reimbursed me on the spot, without hesitation.

For that, the Best Western Plus in Great Falls, Montana has earned my business whenever I'm in town.  It's service like this I look for in my homes away from home.

Thank you, Brandon and the staff who helped me in my minor moment of crisis.  You guys rock, and I will definitely remember your awesomeness the next time I'm booking my trip in Montana.

Now, for my next trick.... breaking in the new iron with my new shirt.  If this one overheats, I'm fucked.

Wish me luck!  And thanks again!

Feelin Like the Music Man

One of the benefits of being a musician in a new home is the fact I have room to spare right now, and am looking to fill it in fun ways.

I primarily play the flute, but have always enjoyed other instruments.  One I've never fully mastered was the piano.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a virtuoso on the piano... as long as I can play one hand at a time.  Left hand, right hand, just not both.

Which is why I want one.

I don't have the room for a grand, but an upright piano would be perfect for the new house.  I'm not sure if I want to outright buy one or find a good piano rentals company, but I definitely want to get one in the house so I can practice more.

Besides, I still have this idea of wanting my kids to learn a musical instrument and follow in their dad's footsteps.  If you start with piano, it's easy to transition to other instruments... but not the other way around.

Flute, trumpet, oboe, the fingers go up and down.  They don't move.  Piano is different, and hard to learn when you're used to fingers staying in one place.

Are there any pianists out there?  Do you have any tips to impart?

Idaho Parking Lots = DEMOLITION DERBY

I've been around the country, and nowhere has parking lots as hazardous to your health as Idaho.

In California and other states, people still cut corners in parking lots, but there seems to be a little more etiquette when doing it.  Unwritten rules, watching out for others, etc.  In Idaho, it's a free for all.

The best part of it is the attitude.  A car may jump out in front of you but *you're* the asshole who isn't paying attention.

So you can more accurately see what I mean, here is a diagram:

The pathway in red shows a driver who just doesn't give a shit.  They ninja their way between two other cars, go the wrong way, all for the best spot possible.  If you get in their way, you're going to either get hit or get yelled at.

One of my friends was actually hit in a parking lot by one of those idiots.  It turned out he was an insurance agent, and they are somehow never at fault.  My friend's insurance claim was denied because Mr. Agent worked at the same company.

So if you're ever in Idaho, be VERY wary in the parking lots.  Especially the Fred Meyer lot in Idaho Falls.  It's the epicenter of dumbassery in this town.

Drive safe!

It's Movie Season!

Ah, Summer is once again upon us.  You know it's summertime when every movie preview you see makes you shout "I want to go see that!"

There's a new Pixar movie.  Yet another 'end of the world' style movie (wait, there's like four of them) and of course a small wave of Rom-Coms this summer to get you out of the house and dating.

And they all look interesting.  Most of them are in 3D, even if it doesn't make sense.  But who cares?  It's summer, the theaters are always set to a cool 65 degrees, and when it reaches triple-digits outside you'll take 3 hours of respite wherever you can get it.

The movie I'm most looking forward to seeing is 'This is the End,' simply because it's actors making fun of actors.  Here's a preview, if you have no idea what I'm talking about:

I know, right?

And summer isn't all about action movies and comedy either.  There are plenty of Romantic Comedy choices out there (aka Chick Flicks) for date nights and romantic interludes...

Because I can't be the only one who thinks about fooling around in a movie theater...  I mean, it's dark, you're close, everyone's eyes are glued forward...

And don't get me wrong, empty theaters are best. If you try to get a bj from your girl at the opening weekend of a Twilight or Hunger Games movie, you're gonna end up on a sex offender's list somewhere...

No matter what you prefer to see at the movies (or what you prefer to DO at the movies) summer is the perfect season for the cineplex.  Go shove some snacks down your pants, pay too much for tickets, and enjoy movie season.  I know I will!