My work is trying to be an "Of excellence" workplace

Everything is better when it's excellent, isn't it?

I work for a non-profit agency.  They're not happy with being just another non-profit.  They are working on becoming an "Agency of Excellence."

Apparently you can do that.  It requires years of policy updates, performance reviews, and hoops after hoops to jump through.

My agency has been trying for this "of excellence" title for about 4 years now.  This week, an official 'excellence' review team came in, reviewed our policies, and made suggestions on how to become more excellent.

(Can you tell how much I like this word?  Excellent?  I'm not sure if I want to say it a-la-Spicoli, Wayne's World, or Bill & Ted.  While similar, they are all excellent in their own special ways.  But I digress...)

To improve our excellence rating, signs have been going up throughout our office.  Most are framed motivational posters with "Perseverance" and "Focus" messages.  Cheesy, yes, but apparently they motivate us.  Go fig.

I'd like to share 2 of the more unconventional signs that have popped up.  Both are in the restrooms.

First is a "how to change a roll of toilet paper" sign.  It reads as follows: (my retorts are in red)

Bathroom Skills for the Workplace


Your mother doesn't work here....

1. You are responsible to change the roll yourself when you use the last squares.
2. When the roll is empty... squeeze the silver holder together (on the end of the roll away from the middle).
3. Swing the end piece out.
4. Remove empty roll.  (um, duh?)
5. Replace roll.  (oh sheesh, really?)
6. Swing end piece back in place until it snap in place (Grammar are good!)

Smile and realize that you have done your bit for society and a happy workplace.

It makes me a little sad that people need to be told these things, but there is a similar "clean up your messes" sign in the break room.  Some people don't know how to clean up after themselves??

Next is a most excellent sign, found on the men's urinal.

You need to read it to believe it...

"Help Prevent Spillage by getting a little closer.  (...you're not as blessed as you think...)"

Now, is someone peeping at my tater-tot, or is that just a general assumption??

Either way, it's both offensive and hilarious.  Therefore, excellent.

Are there any funny, pointless, or just plain ridiculous signs at your place of business?  If so, please share here.  My workplace can't be the only "Workplace of *cough* excellence" out there.