Bikini Bars and the Male Libido

So a few months ago I was working at a local car dealership, and the BIGGEST NEWS with all the guys in sales was a new bikini bar opening up in town.

I was confused.  So I asked.

It was then that I was told there were no Strip Clubs in the entire state of Idaho.  Apparently showing your breasts in a public place is illegal.  I've never been to a strip club, so I'm not missing much, but it's such a big deal to the locals that some groups of guys make the long trek to Wyoming to go to a strip joint.

OMG BOOBIES!!!

Still confused about the bikini bar, I was told that guys don't get to see a lot of skin in Idaho.  Being raised less than an hour from the beach, I took this for granted.

I'm used to seeing things like this.  (These pictures were taken in March, by the way.  Currently in mid-February in Idaho it is 36 degrees....March up here isn't going to be much warmer...)

If I showed these pics to my Idaho bros, they'd have instant-boners.  If they ever go to a Cali beach, they won't know what to do with themselves...

So on the opening day of the AMAZING bikini bar, about 75% of the guys at the dealership went.  They came back the next day saying it was awesome.  I just chuckled a little.

They talked about it ALL DAY.  Even about how much money they spent.  There wasn't a guy in the crowd who didn't drop at least $30 that night.  The best part was... they all wanted to go again... as soon as possible.

*groan*

A few days later, a few female friends of my gf were hanging out at our place, drinking and talking.  After a while, a new person came in.  "Oh, that's my friend @#$%^" said one of the girls.  "She works at the bikini bar."

First, let me remind you all of the definition of butterface...

Now, with a butterface, you still have something to look at.  Just don't look up.  If you have a paper bag handy, you can cover up her face, maybe slap a photo of Marisa Miller on it, and you're good.

But with this chick, the butter had migrated south.

Butter melts, after all.

I can see guys going "ooh, but that ass!" or "ooh, but those boobs!" and just ignoring the neck up, but this wasn't going to work with her...

She wasn't even that attractive.  And she was one of the dancers at the bikini bar??

What did the rest of them look like?

They're closed now, which I'll go into later, but at the time they had a website.  The site featured pictures of the bar, the drink specials, and "the girls."  I was stunned.

They either had cute faces and squishy bodies, were 40 or older (and looked too aged to be doing the job), or had MAJOR cases of lazy eye.

But I guess if you're a dancer, that can work to your favor.  Straddle two laps, and do two lap dances at the same time.  With derp-eye, you can look at both guys at the same time!

Guys LOVE eye contact, after all!  And if you can stare at two dudes at the same time, double the tips... right?

I'm sorry, but you can be a Victoria's Secret Model, and have a perfect body, flawless face, etc.  But if I look at you and see...

...it's not gonna happen.

Now I'm not a shallow guy.  Personality and wit weigh big on me, and there are a million factors to make a woman attractive.  But the entire purpose of a strip club or bikini bar is just to have hot (36-24-36) women grind on you, right?

Right?

Based on the 'talent' that worked there, I didn't expect this place to be open for long.  I was right, they shut down after under a month, but was shocked to find out it was because of solicited sex being rampant in the club.

Apparently guys, when they see boobs, can't control themselves and want more more more.  And girls, in this town, can't say no to money.  It fuels their meth habit, after all!

Anyway, there's my rant.  It makes me sad to think of all these undersexed men who will drool over the slightest bit of cleavage or a bare midriff...  But then again, I'm in Idaho, and it's February.  Meh.

(Note:  This is my first Dude Write submission!  I hope it becomes the first winner as well...)