Some Stereotypes Are True

You know whenever says the phrase "I'm not racist, but..." they're going to follow up with something a little racist, right?

Well, this is no different.  Just bear with me on this one, mmmk?

I grew up as one of the only white boys on my block.  Rubidoux, California.  aka, The Barrio.

By 6, I knew all the curse words in spanish.  It was great.

As I grew up, I learned that almost all of my neighbors were gardeners or landscapers.  It wasn't until I was in my 20's before I learned 'Mexican Landscaper' was a stereotype... growing up, I thought it was fairly accurate...

Fast forward to today.  I moved recently, and one of my neighbors is 'of latin descent.'  He is a landscaper.  The stereotype lives on...

However, the conversation got started when I was putting Weed & Feed on my lawn.  I was using a brand I sell, which isn't in a lot of retail stores around here.  When he told me he works as a landscaper, I instantly questioned why his lawn looked so horrible.

His backyard looks like a dandelion forest...

His answer was simple.  "I do it all day for a living.  You can understand why I don't want to come home and do it some more..."

I get that.  I really do.  Maybe if I were in his shoes I'd feel the same way.  (But not if I were a gynecologist... talk about 'kid in a candy store' mentality...)

But when I mentioned this on my facebook feed, a lot of people chimed in.  Mechanics keep their machines in perfect condition.  Landscapers have the best lawns on the block...  Maybe he's the exception, and not the rule?

Or maybe there's another stereotype in play...  I'm not racist, but...

Real Post Tomorrow

Stay tuned.

In the meantime, do you have a problem child?  Having trouble controlling unruly children?  Here's a PSA for you:

Guest Posting

I have not blogged as much as I'd like lately.

For that, I apologize.

But I am trying to get back into the swing of things, starting with a guest post.  I did one over at DeBie Hive, please go read it, follow her, and show us both some love.

More shenanigans coming from me soon.  Promise.

Motorcycle Season

Idaho's 'summer' season is fairly short.  It finally warms up in May, and by September you're already in coats and preparing for below-freezing temperatures.

So when it's warm out, motorcycle owners take full advantage of the nice weather.

...much to my dismay...

I just moved within town, and was glad to get away from my old neighbors.  They owned his-and-hers Harleys, and would spend hours tuning up the bikes in their yard, revving it up, and annoying the shit out of everyone within earshot.  Once the bikes were sufficiently warmed up (usually 45 minutes of VROOOM!!!) they'd go out and ride all day.  They would start their engines at 7am, leave around 8, and return home around 11pm.  Every. Fucking. Day.

Just as you'd get settled into bed and 90% asleep, they come roaring home.  One last blast of the throttle to make sure everything is in working order, and nobody is asleep yet.

This clip of South Park sums it up fairly well:

'Fag' is a strong word, but I like the way South Park played this episode.  Motorcyclists, especially Harley riders, are more annoying than they are 'badass.'

So, now, moved into my new place, I was a little miffed when I heard the roaring of the pipes once more.  Turns out another neighbor, one street up, has a Harley.  He at least gets home between 9 and 10, but again...  Every. Fucking. Night.

I used to want a motorcycle.  The freedom, the good mileage, and the power attracted me.  But I'm not an asshole and prefer a mode of transportation that runs without everyone having to hear it.  I'll never buy a diesel truck, and I'll never buy a Harley.

Loud pipes save lives?  Maybe on the road, but in my neighborhood it only makes most of us want to kill you....

Moving, Beefs and Revenge

As if I didn't have enough on my plate already, I just finished moving to a new place.

This house is twice as big, the rent is almost the same, and it's a MUCH better landlord situation.

For those of you following my blog since Day 1, you may already know my in-laws have been my landlords since we moved to Idaho.  We lived rent-free while we got back on our feet, and for that I'll be forever grateful.

But the situation felt a lot like Everybody Loves Raymond for a while.  They'd stop by without notice and let themselves in.  Sometimes leaving us scrambling for clothes (we're not always 'presentable' thankyouverymuch).  Rent went from an acceptable amount to WAY too much, but I paid it happily because it felt like making up for those rent-free months.

The house was falling apart.  Leaky roof in the garage, meaning storage was limited.  Holes in the rotting back deck, which they refused to fix.  I can't tell you how many times my foot would make/fall-though a new hole and I'd be limping for days...

Months of passive aggressive back-and-forth's later, they finally tell us it's time to move out.  They used the 'we're trying to sell the house so we want it empty' excuse, but I think it was more about us complaining about their BS and not taking their shit anymore...

So we moved.  Cleaned out the old house from top to bottom, making it much cleaner than when we moved in.

But part of me wants to have the last laugh.  It's family, so I have to be careful, but I have considered 'revenge' things to do to the house.

Like poking holes in all the hoses.

Putting flash cotton under the stove's burners.

Putting an ad in the local newspaper:  "Free gardening tools and furniture!  Go to __________, the doors are unlocked.  Help yourselves!" and see what happens.

But what got the most laughs from the wife and I was a little plan called "revenge of the beefs."

There is a crawl space under the house filled with cobwebs and dirt.  Every winter I'd have to crawl under there to turn off the backyard water so the pipes don't freeze.  Every spring, turn the water back on.  I hate enclosed spaces and the cobwebs make me fearful of spiders (which freak me out) so I hated doing this.

I'm tempted to buy a 20lb tube of ground beef and put it down in that crawl space.   Cover it in sawdust so it isn't visible, and just let the meat rot and permeate though the house.  It'll smell like a dead body in about 2 weeks....

All the holes in the back deck?  The holes that tried to swallow my foot?  BEEF.

The leaky spot under the garage?  The one that we didn't know about until the first storm, ruining clothes and boxes and end tables?  CRAM THE LEAKY HOLES WITH BEEF.

Well, you get the idea.

About $50 in ground beef could turn into a lot of fun.  Too bad the house will have trouble selling, since that 'rotten beef' smell is hard to get out...