Guest Post: The Facebook Pledge (Amended)

I'm overwhelmed, so I'm asking people to fill the void while I drink myself stoopid and then attend rehab.  The first guest poster is the amazing Birdman from Change the Topic.  If you're not following him now, please change that.  You won't be disappointed.

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Hello there. Brandon helped me out a few weeks ago when I was behind the proverbial eight ball, and when he mentioned that he was looking for guest posts to get him through a busy spot, I said I’d be glad to.

The truth is, I’m hurting for readers. I used to post angry rants about the church on my blog. Mostly the Catholic church, but any form of religion was/is fair game. I have mellowed a bit, and that has led the readers to angrier pastures.

Don’t get me wrong, I still want to ass rape hypocritical pedophiles with a blowtorch, but I haven’t been paying attention to how many diddling priests are out and about these days. I’m sure there are still a lot of them, I just haven’t been alerted to their shenanigans. It’s okay though, because I noticed that Brandon had posted this pledge to his Facebook fan page friends, and that got me going again.

I’m now going to dissect the pledge, because it’s easy and I might think of something funny to write about while I’m doing it. Let’s face facts; I’m a “just wing it” sort of guy.

I promise to refrain from shoving my religious or political ideologies down your throat seven times a day.

I do too, but if I think your views are even remotely hateful, hurtful, condescending, or otherwise assholish, I will let you know my beliefs a little more often than seven times in a day.

eg: Dave seems like a nice guy, but he’s a dirty Papist and I’m Pentecostal, a true Christian. I wish we could stone his ass to death.

I promise to respect your opinions, even if they differ from mine.

For the most part. If your opinions trample on someone else’s rights, freedoms, or well being, be it mental, physical, and/or emotional, and you make this known, then I will no longer respect your opinions. Just because an opinion is yours or mine, doesn’t make it right, so if you respect others, I will respect you.

eg: “Gays should be put to death. They are an abomination in the eyes of the Lord!”

I promise not to block or unfriend you simply for being an Atheist, a Christian, a Mormon, or even a Scientologist.

I will block you if you are a Scientologist. Only because you fuckers are crazy and you jump on Oprah’s couch. Crazy fuckers.

eg:

I pledge to be snarky and sarcastic, but not an asshole. 

No, I pledge to be snarky, sarcastic, and an asshole. Not always, but you should expect it.

There you have it. My feeble attempt at a post. Brandon told me that anything goes, except for porn and nudity, so I hope this might sneak by the censors.

If that didn’t make it, then piss, fuck, cocksucker.

~Birdman