Ya Think Idaho Is Bad? Try Canada (a Guest Post)

Today's post is brought to you by the ever-entertaining Lady Estrogen.  If you're not following her you need to.  Seriously.  Do it.  NOW.

It's ok... I'll wait...

...back?  OK.

I complain about Idaho on a regular basis.  The culture here is unlike any other I have experienced.  But talking to Ms E, I discovered a place even weirder than Idaho...  Canada.   Here is her take on America's Hat:



Brandon is like my bloggy mister, or rather, my blister. Yes. I do like the sound of that.

We shall get tattoo rings because we're cool like that, on our middle fingers. Every time I flip someone off, I'll be reminded of what we have.

Anyways. 

I can hold back no more. I must shed some light on a place that is even slightly stranger than Idaho. Canada.

All of it. Some places more than others.

Here are a few tidbits you may or may not know about the True North Strong and Free.

30% of a radio station’s content must be "Canadian Content". 

That's right, 30%. So, for every 10 songs that are played, THREE must be from a Canadian band/artist/popstar/idiot. Considering our talent can be whittled down pretty much to Rush, Nickelback, Avril Lavigne and Bryan Adams, I think you can gather the picture. It's friggin' painful! I've listened to much more Patio Lantern than anyone every really needs to in their lifetime. I've heard it has been linked with certain carcinogens. Just Kim Mitchell in general, actually. True story!*

In certain places, it is illegal to climb trees.

I just hope the von Trapp Family Singers come for a tour, because those paisley drape wearing hooligans would get their asses thrown in a Canadian jail. Don't worry, we'll apologize profusely afterwards for doing so and serve them all pancakes with maple syrup and Canadian bacon.

It's illegal for street performers to give children balloon animals.

I mean, what is the world coming to? It only takes ONE heroin mule to mix up his balloons to ruin it for everyone else. Bastard!

It is illegal to set fire to the wooden leg of a wooden legged man.

Well fine then. But if he really deserved it, I'd just steal his specially made shoe that fit on the end of it. That would REALLY piss him off. I'm sure the waiting list for a new one is like, 6 months minimum.

In Quebec, it is illegal for margarine to be the same color as butter.

This makes a little sense, since French Canadians are a little slower than the rest of us. They do not like to be fooled, especially when it comes to butter authenticity. It's not that the do not believe it's butter, but they just don't want to have to decide. That is much too confusing for them.

And finally, did you know? 

In Canada, it is illegal to kill a Sasquatch.

I think this must be a relatively new law that came about when Russel Brand came to Canada and people tried to kill him.

*Not really.