Idaho Falls *cough* Premiere Nightclub: Bliss

Ok, try not to laugh too hard...

*source*

A new club opened in Idaho Falls this weekend, and my girlfriend and her gaggle of slutty friends (I use that term with love and respect) wanted to go.  I did too... partying with them is fun.  They wear the 'slut' title with pride, and they make me feel like Charlie hanging out with trashed, scantily-clad, mostly-bi-curious Angels...

The Club's name is Bliss.  Formerly the 840, formerly Chick's.  With a new name comes new paint, a new 'concept' and the same old tired songs.

But... but... this is NEW!!  It's now owned by someone new, so it must be better, right?  ...right???

I was expecting another half-assed 'production' with this new nightclub.  After reading the teasers on their website, this feeling grew...

From the official Bliss Website: (my smart-ass-ness in red)

Like Nothing You’ve Seen Before In Idaho Falls  (aka: Fresh Paint, velvet ropes and pleather seating!)

We are proud to be the premier nightclub in Eastern Idaho. Drawing inspiration from Vegas style clubs (AHAHAHAHAHA), we have taken out concept (we weren't thinking) and completely built an entirely new atmosphere for Idaho Falls to enjoy (we made the bar 'no smoking' which will piss off a lot of old regulars, but we're trying to be 'trendy...'). Bliss Nightclub will quickly become your second home and the favorite spot for you and all your friends to visit.

Enjoy A Relaxing Night of Luxury

Are you looking for a nice relaxing night out in style? Bliss Nightclub is the place! We offer top notch security so that if problems arise they are quickly taken care of by the professionals (wait, what?  read that again?). You no longer have to feel threatened in Idaho Falls (I'm not black, so I don't feel threatened...), just walk in to our nightclub and experience the difference! Come join us for the many live shows that will be periodically happening (bwaa?) and world famous club nights with the best sounds system (I guess this is ok... there is more than one sound coming out of the system, so 'sounds' system is technically acceptable...) in Idaho Falls and guest DJs who will blow your mind!  (and...and...and...)

So, it's um, like Vegas, right?

Hokay... I'd believe that.

But one slight issue.  I've been to Vegas.  If I was raised in Eastern Idaho and this is all I've known, I might buy it... but anyone who has traveled, even to SALT LAKE knows this club is still lame.

First off were the swarms of guidos.  The dance floor is small enough as it is.  When three guidos try to command the entire area with their sorry "look at me, I can pop AND lock!" moves, it gets old fast.

Speaking of old... it seemed like the 45+ crowd was out in full force.  Not that it's a bad thing, but when the music being played is Deadmau5 and Pitbull, they seem a little out of place.  But hey, to each their own...

I liked the new paint, I liked the 'dress code' for the female waitstaff (corsets and short skirts).  But I didn't like the cheezy VIP sections that were scattered across the club (most of them stayed empty hours into the night) or the fact they put large posters on the restrooms.  The men's room had a poster of a sexy woman, and the ladies room had a picture of a sharp dressed man.  The more you drank, the more confusing this became.  I was using the restroom when a girl walked into the guy's room.  She looked at me, looked down, looked at me, and said "are you in the right one?"  I pointed to the urinal... "oh..."

Trying too hard?  Congratulations, Bliss.  You've taken that phrase to an entire new level...  and it's only opening weekend...

We arrived around 10, were gone by 11:30, and went to another local bar called DB's.  It's not as 'hip' as Bliss, and the tunes are even more stale, but it's a guido free zone, and had a more relaxed air.  Sorry Bliss, you couldn't even keep our attention until your lame 1am closing time.

Oh, and if you're reading this, check out The Hip Kitty.  Check out The Balcony.  Check out Sing Sing.  CHECK OUT SOME ACTUAL VEGAS CLUBS and do better.

UPDATE:  They're trying to throw 'The Best New Year's Eve Party in Idaho' this coming NYE.  I may go, just to see if they live up to the hype.  Then again, the best in Idaho... is that really saying much?